"You don't understand, do you?"
The question hung thickly between them as the sun slipped down
behind the sparse oaks that towered above the neat row of houses.
Her eyes lingered on the fading rays streaming through the leaves
in a halo behind him; she shifted her weight uncomfortably on her
three-inch heels. She tapped at a chunk of loose concrete with the
edge of her shoe and stuffed her perfectly manicured hands into
the deep pockets of the black wide-legged slacks that hung gracefully
on her slender frame.
He watched her intently, aware of her intense discomfort. His lanky
body cast a long shadow across the cracked pavement as he leaned
casually against the wrought-iron fence, his arms folded across
his chest. His eyes traveled over her, studying her, admiring her.
Her fingertips crept into the underside of her hair, dragged through
the thick mass, traced the white skin of her neck and collarbone
with a rounded red nail, and ended by tugging on the delicate diamond
necklace he had once given her. Her black wool vest fit snugly over
a blood-red silk shirt with French cuffs that she now tugged at
with nervous fingers. He vividly remembered how her head tucked
perfectly under his chin and her breasts pressed firmly against
him when he held her.
"You look beautiful in that."
She blinked a few times and dropped her eyes from the trees to
his shoes.
"Um….thanks."
Isn't that what you wanted to hear? that small voice whispered.
All the radiance she had felt at the gallery opening that afternoon
had evaporated. She writhed in the knowledge that she was no longer
the graceful, well-spoken beauty on the arm of an affluent gentleman;
this man - this man who had never even seen the inside of an art
gallery! - made her squirm and fidget like a small child.
Yes, she had wanted to hear him say she was beautiful. But not
like this.
"Look," her eyes flickered briefly across his, "I just thought
we could catch a movie…no big deal."
He inhaled slowly, closing his eyes. She felt the knot in her stomach
jerk violently, wanting to feel his warm exhale against her ear
and knowing the sting of his coming words. She interrupted him before
he could begin.
"I…I gotta go - call me if you wanna do something tonight…whatever."
She hugged him quickly and spun toward her car. She tossed a recipricatory
good-bye over her shoulder as she steadied her shaking hand to insert
the key in the car door. Safely inside, she watched him through
her rear-view mirror while putting on her seatbelt and selecting
a CD for the ride home. How can he look at me like that?
NIN Broken exploded into her small car as she rolled down
her window, scratched into first gear, and gunned the engine. Her
eyes never left his.
She merged recklessly onto the six-lane freeway, her thoughts pulsing
to the music as she wove in and out of traffic. The wind tore at
her hair and the curls adopted a medusa look as she gazed at herself
in the rear-view mirror. Distracted by this thought, she was forced,
last-minute, to cut across three lanes of rush-hour traffic to make
her exit. A black Mustang flew past her on the left, the livid driver
honking and flapping his arms in anger. She frowned and muttered,
"Goddamnit, fuck you too…"
The quiet, tree-lined streets of her old, expensive neighborhood
sheltered her car, the branches interlocking into a lush green tunnel.
She slowed down and decreased the volume on her stereo out of respect
for the families playing with their small children on their perfectly
manicured front lawns.She glanced into her rear-view mirror at a
stoplight and saw a man and woman in a Chevy step-side behind her.
The woman, pale and young, sat staring idly at the white-picket-fence
world outside the window while the man scowled at the oncoming traffic.
Why were they fighting? Did he stay out drinking last night, did
she flirt too much with another man at a bar, or are they simply
miserable because they have four children at home waiting for them
after working two jobs to make ends meet?
She drove the last few blocks pondering the strangers, noticing
the construction of the new drainage system was close to completed,
wondering what she would fix for dinner. The gate crept open for
her, and she pulled into her designated parking spot. As she began
walking toward her townhouse, she was accosted by her neighbor's
daughter.
"Hi! Will you come out and paint my nails tonight?" Lacy asked,
looking up with her huge blue orbs.
She looked down at the six year-old and smiled.
"No, honey, not today…"
"But why?"
"I'm tired, Lacy, it's been a long day."
"Oh," she sighed, "okay."
She kneeled to hug the girl and kissed the top of her sun-streaked
blonde hair. Sunshine and sweat filled her nostrils as she inhaled
slowly. She rose and smiled fondly as Lacy scurried off to play
with her brother.
She swung open the door and was greeted by silence. --->
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