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Like everything, a journal
is the reflection of a journey
and its form morphs with time. This archive covers my blogging from 1999-2002.


The Blogger years. It started as I began travelling and wanted a more daily journal of my life to share with my friends.
oct sept aug july
june may april march
feb jan    
dec nov oct sept
aug july june may
april      

The leap from milky white pages to glowing white screen...the start of virtual exhibitionism.
apr.17: irate
apr.08: expired
apr.07: home
apr.06: free
mar.26: bound
feb.18: inked
jan.02: lost
jan.02: dream
sep.13: high
sep.02: wander
aug.30: touched
jul.24: glow
may.11: snap
feb.29: sex
jan.11: why
jan.01: the apocolypse
dec.06: mourning
nov.01: insanity
oct.13: caged
oct.13: surrender

baring a soul : january 2000

the apocolypse: 01.02.00
"try so hard to make the pieces all fit"

well, i guess we are all still here. no end of the world as we know it...as i know it..as they know it. or is it? i could argue, but i'm too tired.

ushering in the new year as a Fallen Angel (shut up, i'm sure i was an angel once, long ago). it was fitting, sitting in white filmy material of no real substance, shaking violently, halo bent and skewed, bloody stumps of feathery wings strapped to my back (poignant evolution of the wings i would have worn on my wedding day). broken engagement, broken reality, broken girl.

so i take a deep breath, dole out a good measure of understanding and forgiveness to myself (in case you're curious, it's a lot like that really sticky cough syrup your mom made you take when you were little), and start walking...i'm so exhausted from all this running, but too restless to sit still.

i'm not quite sure how i lost Me in the last few months, but i have been fortunate enough to survive another really harsh set of Life Lessons, with most of my sanity intact. i think the crux of the lesson was that i am not yet done working on me. and until that task is complete, it must remain my focus. and with barely a working knowledge of what i want and where i am going, it is impossible for me to formulate who *i* am in a relationship yet. i think i jumped way ahead of myself and...well...it made me rather crazy again.

i have found such peace in being alone...and that is where i return. i seek the solace of that silence...that security...and draw on its power to heal me back to some semblance of who i was a few months ago.

maybe i'll get some good writing from all of this *cheers eminate through the stadium of fiercely devoted fans*