and thou shalt feel your zen challenged to ensure you value it

enduring the periodic workaholic madness mandated by the freelance lifestyle was much much easier when the boy wasn’t working full time (plus).

the house is a disaster. i can hardly keep up with routine dishes, muchless any actual cleaning. i am in the midst of a really ugly stretch of 50+ hr billable weeks, and while i think that will tone back down to 40 within a couple of weeks, i am feeling the toll of it.

my poor gardens need more time and love and thought than i have to give them. the slugs are still winning, even though the beer is helping. i haven’t had time to cook the way i like to in weeks, and when i reach the end of the day, i am doing well just to sit like a zombie until its time to fall into a coma.

perhaps the hardest hit of this busy period is that i am completely unable to spare any energy for others. i have had to make the hard call to put my friendship with someone i love on the back burner and call timeout, knowing it might be a nail in the coffin. i know i am making a smart choice for myself in thinking of myself first and being self-aware of the fact that i can’t dedicate the time or energy it will take to think, feel or fix any of the problems while i am in the midst of this personal maelstrom of pressure. but that doesn’t make the reality of my choices any easier. i can’t help but feel i am failing in this, but i realize i am not a superhero and sacrificing my sanity to solve this on a more accelerated timeline will not help me right now. i found myself holding the ticket to crazytown a few weeks ago, and decided i couldn’t get on that train. my hope is that when my stress level goes down, i can again be the loving, giving, thoughtful friend i want to be. drawing boundaries for what i am willing to give is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.

add to this the construction of our utility room add-on and the finish work we will need to do in its wake, plus the other house projects scheduled to be taking place this summer, and i find myself longing for the days when i had a houseboy to make these workalicious periods feel less like a cheese grater.

and here ends the whining 🙂

14 thoughts on “and thou shalt feel your zen challenged to ensure you value it”

  1. yeah, yeah, WHATEVER, we all know what a selfish bitch you are. blahhhh blah blah, hippie blah-blah.

    *beams like the bratty little sister I am*

    Reply

  2. Bombs overhead…

    I’m right there in the trenches with ya, girl!

    I’ve been frightened by my filthy kitchen all week.

    Keep plodding along – it’ll get better!

    Reply

    1. Re: Bombs overhead…

      we, too, have been reading the harry potter series, and i cannot help but think i would like a house elf that i would treat like a king for taking care of me! 😀

      Reply

    1. well, the full-time employment is perm (or until he can’t take it anymore 😉 but I do hope that he can get them beaten down to more like 35/wk so his extra work for his old company doesn’t tip the scales over 40. we shall see!

      i feel like such a brat 🙂 woe – woe is me that my hubby has to work fulltime and can’t spoil me!!!

      Reply

      1. nah, you’re not a brat. one cannot have enough free/quality time in my book. but you are talking to the woman that gave up her mega career to snuggle with hubby and baby in a city ripe with pleasures 😉

        Reply

  8. ugh, if I wasn’t in the same boat I’d fly up and wrestle the domestic mess to complete submission 🙁

    Keep a tight grip on those levels of sanity my love, if others can’t give you breathe room, so be it. They’ll come back when they are more ready.

    Reply

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