(cont.)

Did you expect him to?

Well, i thought…

HE LEFT YOU.

But that doesn't mean….

YES, yes, it does.

but i think -

try thinking about YOURSELF. he is.

i am strong. i am independent. i am passionate. i am sensual. i'm a dreamer. i'm a lover. i'm trusting. i am terrified. i want to be brilliant. i want to be successful.

i want to be loved. i'm afraid of waking up old and tired and disappointed. i am pendulant - extreme: goodbad, chaosorder, lovehate, trustbetray.

The sleep that finally consumes her is heavy, dreamless - until she hears the townhouse community's gate creak open and click shut. Her eyes flutter open from her drugged state and she knows even before he knocks. She glances at the clock: 4:26am.

She hears his footsteps and holds her breath. He knocks. She turns over and struggles to open the window between the two posts of her bed.

"Who is it?" she asks sleepily, although her senses are alive, her heart jumping.

"It's me!" he says softly, in a teasing, scolding voice.

"Hang on…"

She rises from the warmth of her covers and hesitates a moment. She debates whether to put on her robe, or go down and open the door naked. She pulls on the thick terry-cloth robe and holds it closed in the front. She pads down the stairs and opens the door. He smiles gently at her.

"Clothes?" he asks.

She blushes and says nothing. She turns to walk back up the stairs. He locks the door and follows her. She creeps back into her bed as he enters the dim room.

"Moved the bed?"

She nods, mutely, unable to trust her voice. She stares at him, unable to keep her eyes from consuming every inch of him while she can. She feels the rush of victory. He's here.

"Can I…?"

His question lingers in the air as she nods again. She watches him remove his boots and lay down on top of the rumpled covers facing her, inches away from her small face. She shivers as he traces her cheek with his rough fingertips.

"I miss you," he whispers.

She shifts to curl her body against him, closing her eyes as his lips trace her eyes, her nose, her chin.

He is still mine…, as they slip together perfectly.

She swims - basks - in the hushed, tender exchange of words.

"You are the only one who knows me."

She closes her eyes and drinks it in.

He is still mine.

Daylight begins to poke itself through the windows. She traces the fingers of dawn that lay across his naked body. She can hear the resigned sigh of night as it finally slithers away, stirring him.

He rises, sliding out of her grasp, and begins pulling on his scattered clothing. She watches mutely, and he feels her eyes weighing heavily on him.

"I have to go…"

He states the unnecessary to fill the thick silence that has replaced the comfortable quiet of the previous hours.

She chews on her bottom lip, still silent, as she rises and pulls the protective robe around her nakedness again.

They walk silently down the creaking stairs and she opens the door. He turns to look at her, kisses her softly, and walks down the leaf-scattered sidewalk without looking back. She stands motionless in the doorway and watches the gate swing shut after him with a gentle click. She shuts the door on the intruding light, and retreats into the darkness of her house.

She stumbles into her room and crawls into the bed - their bed - that still smells like him. She clutches the robe tightly around her, clenches her eyes tightly against the impending day, and curls into a pillow as though it were his body next to her, and she begins again…

  i am strong.
i am independent.
i am  passionate…

-----O-----