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Like everything, a journal is the reflection of a journey and its form morphs with time. This archive covers my blogging from 1999-2002.


The Blogger years. It started as I began travelling and wanted a more daily journal of my life to share with my friends.
oct sept aug july
june may april march
feb jan    
dec nov oct sept
aug july june may
april      

The leap from milky white pages to glowing white screen...the start of virtual exhibitionism.
apr.17: irate
apr.08: expired
apr.07: home
apr.06: free
mar.26: bound
feb.18: inked
jan.02: lost
jan.02: dream
sep.13: high
sep.02: wander
aug.30: touched
jul.24: glow
may.11: snap
feb.29: sex
jan.11: why
jan.01: the apocolypse
dec.06: mourning
nov.01: insanity
oct.13: caged
oct.13: surrender

baring a soul : may 2000

snap: 05.11.00
"i believe in peace, BITCH"

"if she's still there when i get there, i'm not responsible...should be there in less than 10 minutes...k?"

click.

the lights of his apartment complex cast a dirty yellowish-green glow on her white '99 Camero. i turned carelessly into the spot behind it and slammed on my breaks, grinding to a screaching halt. i locked my car door and walked through the neat rows of cars toward the stairs, plowing a deep satisfying scratch down the entire body of the cunt's car. i grinned, elated at leaving my mark. as i climbed the stairs, my face lost a grip on its smile and i ground my teeth in an attempt to not lose my temper. after a moment, i shook my head...it was too late.

i opened the door without knocking. he was sitting in a ball on the worn brown carpet, shaking, wrapped in a cheap satin comforter. she was standing in front of him screeching. they both froze as i strode though the door. he looked up at me with red eyes and tears streaming down his face, relief shining openly at my appearance. her look oozed disdain and dismissal.

"what the fuck are you doing here?" she tossed carelessly over her shoulder, as she turned to face me.

i closed the remaining space between us before she had time to react and backhanded her with my full force. her head whipped to the side and blood trickled to the surface where my ring slashed her pale skin. she stood motionless, mouth gaping, until finally a strangled sob escaped her constricted throat.

"i'm trying to fucking keep him *alive*, you stupid bitch! how *dare* you do this to him when you know how fucking unstable he is right now. how *dare* you try to fuck with his mind and make him feel like shit!"

her eyes ignited and she screamed, "me? fuck *you*! i'm not the one who left him and ruined his whole life! i dont know why the fuck he is so hung up on you when you are just - "

i backhanded her with my other hand, slicing open her other cheek. "i'm just the heartless bitch that has been on call 24-7 to keep him from completely losing it. and *you*, you worthless piece of shit, are just the coniving *bitch* who has her own agenda and her own inability to deal with rejection...and are so *goddamn fucked up* that you have to take advantage of someone when they don't want to live to see tomorrow! i want you *out* - "

i lunged for her and caught a thick handful of her dark chin-length bob. her nails caught my arm, ripping into the flesh, sending my adreniline into orbit. i jerked my knee upward as i pushed her head down and the result was a satisfying crack as her cheek made harsh contact with bone. her hands faltered for a moment, her body slumped forward toward the ground as she gasped in pain.

"i want you out of this house...i want you out of his life...i want you *out*. you tell him you want to kill yourself over him? i'll save you the trouble, you fucking careless self-centered whore, if you don't *get the fuck out of here*!"

with blood dripping onto the already-stained carpet, she relaunched her attack with the venom of primal survival instinct. before she could get off the ground, i brought my knee-high boot down into her stomach and lifted it to kick into her ribs. she curled into a ball, sobbing and screaming profanities.

i glanced across the room. he looked terrified. this is not helping his mental state any, i reminded myself. fuck.

i grabbed her by her hair and an arm and hauled her to the door. fucking bitch was now screaming her head off and spitting blood everywhere. i dragged her out of the apartment into the early mornign grey, struggling against the heavy pull of her half-stumbling, half-fighting behind me. neighbors' doors swung open and sleepy people in rumpled clothes peered out, quickly shutting the door and ignoring the scene. at least it was a good neighborhood for this.

the stairs were easier. gravity helped her fall down them, more or less. by the bottom step, she had stopped struggling and appeared to want to get to her car as badly as i wanted her there. once delivered to her chariot, she lifted her head and spit on my face.

"you fucking bitch...you'll pay for this, " she gasped. i looked around for a camera, witnesses, other life. nope. nothing.

i grabbed a handful of hair one last time and jerked her head between the car door and frame and slammed the car door three times. she slumped to the ground. and looked up with dazed, unfocused eyes.

"stay away from him."

i placed my boot on the side of her head until i could see the asphalt pressing into her cheek.

"and don't fuck with me."

i stepped over her and headed back up the stairs.

ashame COPS didn't show up...coulda had my 15 minutes of fame.