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baring a soul : april 2001 expired: 04.08.01 in the quiet moments that follow my last weeks of chaos, i sit alone with my thoughts...trying to sort through, make sense of it all. to understand what lies beyond my own emotions & perspective. i could say that i am hurt. but i know it goes without saying that we both are...it has been our unfortunate state. i understand and appreciate that you are engulfed by your life...building an existance that, rightfully so, doesnt include me. i know that you are busy. and goodbye's suck. perhaps we should have said goodbye long ago...it seems to be one of my most foolish traits: loving beyond the alotted time frame. but that doesnt change how hurt i am that you didnt even bother to drop me an email...something... *anything*. all the times i wrote...all the times i said "i'd like to see you"...all the times you just put me off. not even a goodbye. and i sit 2500 miles away, building my own life, making my own choices. and i recognize that i should have just let go...let well enough be. after all, what could we possible have to say to one another now? the silence has hung for so long...yet the tears never seem to dry. and perhaps someday, this weight will lift from my heart...the knowledge that we were never really friends. so many other things...but never really friends. why do i feel such loss at something i never really had? i wish my heart was more adept at recognizing expiration dates. i always miss them, it seems. |