done with memory lane? go back to inside.belen.net >>

Like everything, a journal is the reflection of a journey and its form morphs with time. This archive covers my blogging from 1999-2002.


The Blogger years. It started as I began travelling and wanted a more daily journal of my life to share with my friends.
oct sept aug july
june may april march
feb jan    
dec nov oct sept
aug july june may
april      

The leap from milky white pages to glowing white screen...the start of virtual exhibitionism.
apr.17: irate
apr.08: expired
apr.07: home
apr.06: free
mar.26: bound
feb.18: inked
jan.02: lost
jan.02: dream
sep.13: high
sep.02: wander
aug.30: touched
jul.24: glow
may.11: snap
feb.29: sex
jan.11: why
jan.01: the apocolypse
dec.06: mourning
nov.01: insanity
oct.13: caged
oct.13: surrender

freeing a soul : may 2002

5.30.2002

i *want* to be interesting!

<sighs> i want to write you interesting posts, but alas, my energy is not so good these days. my days are long and stressy and owned by work headaches.

but soon, hopefully, they will be laid to rest.

so until then, you get to hear me say how tired i am...but i guess you can't glow *all* the time ;)

on a brighter note, i closed my checking account so those bally's bastards can't have any more of my money :)

and part of my job lately has been to tantalize people :) mmmm....written seduction :)
posted by belen 4:44 PM

5.28.2002

little known belen fact

i *love* the movie Barbarella.

thats where Duran Duran got its name from.

i love her little outfits.

i love the 60's sex kitten feel.

i love the rediculous acting.

its a damn fine movie :)
posted by belen 6:28 PM

5.27.2002

bitter much?

motherfucker.

i was happily watching the discovery channel which was featuring the 10 world's best roller coasters.

and i was so excited that there were new things to try to do in our travels.

for instance, *ohio* has the monopoly on the good coasters.

and then, sonofabitch, they got to the #1 roller coaster.

and the sorry-ass motherfucker was in orlando's universal studios theme park.

remember?

the one we *DIDN'T* choose to go to on our goddamn useless expensive miserable orlando trip?

well, shit.
posted by belen 5:59 PM

5.26.2002

the genteel south

so the weekend in savannah was an amazing experience.

imagine new orleans.

now take the french quarter and the garden district, suck out the blocks in between, and push them together. then make it cleaner, less seedy, even more trees, history and places to lounge, and you pretty much have savannah.

it was *charming*.

many of the streets had "squares" where the traffic goes around the square in 1 direction, and the space in the center is grassy, tree-covered with monuments and other interesting historical things in the center. they beg you to sit under those big trees and read a good book or write the Great American Novel.

the big old houses give way after about 6 blocks to downtown, which ends at the riverfront, where you climb down the steepest stairs ever created to the waterfront, where to my amazement is a whole road of restraunts & shops in true NOLA style. there is live bands on the street, drunk people dancing (open containers on the street!), people strolling on the waterfront, cobblestone streets. it is the warehouse waterfront district revamping into the party place in town.

i think i really want to try to live there at some point.

more tomorrow - including pictures :)
posted by belen 7:44 PM

remember?

anybody remember last summer when bob painted me for a documentary on bodypainting?

well, i finally got some links for the stuff we did. i am in a documentary trailer ;)

trailer best seen at http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/product/
film_info/0,3699,2408600,00.html
. the PLAY button is really big, but badly placed to the right side of the screen :) i had to hunt for it. maybe you are brighter than i am :)

the site about the documentary is here: http://www.bodypaintingmovie.com
posted by belen 5:13 PM

5.24.2002

sunny days and weekends away

<sighs> what a week.

pms and work responsibilities out the wazoo. and today, that situation broke to its height. and then the stress melted away.

i have to tell you that when i took this part-time web manager position, i knew i was walking into chaos. i knew the breadth of the job at hand. and after a week like this, you might think that i am wondering if i made a good choice. but all madness aside, my boss makes it *so* easy to do my job that a week like this just makes me feel appreciative of what i have. i am dealing with mind-numbingly bad situations, and he treats my opinions with such respect and calm that it makes it very easy to do what i have to do. he acknowledges that i am cleaning up his messes, and he lets me do my job. and he makes it easy for me to admit when i am not the expert and find good resources to help.

i cannot say how much i appreciate this aspect of my job. i work with a sharp, competant, responsive team, and that is amazing and wonderful.

so this weekend, we are running away from computerville and roadtripping to savannah :) i finally get to meet david's long-time friend lily, and see her fashion show, and generally have a weekend away from That Which Is Stressful.

i would go on, but there is packing to do and people to wrangle. :)
posted by belen 11:45 AM

5.23.2002

i stood in these lines for episode 1

this is just too damn funny to ignore :)

http://www.northeastsprinkler.com/
solf/misc/sw-triumph.wmv

posted by belen 10:18 AM

5.21.2002

random

can a day get any more bursting at the seams with a medley of random events?

on the business side, i have become the official UN Peace Negotiator for the Owner vs. Developers vs Hosting Company i work with. i never really expected management to train me for highly sensitive situations that need elevated diplomacy skills, but it would seem i am just lucky (after all, how many managers do *you* know that can actually do that???). i have money being billed, frustrations running high, communication FUBARed, and sites losing money. and then i stepped in to manage the project. so this week is about cleaning up the mess, understanding what went wrong, implementing strategies to fix the problems, establishing order and finding a compromise that everyone can deal with.

i am manager, here me roar while i unruffle all the feathers and take away the knives.

i just got back from the dentist...had to get 2 fillings. and some of you may remember my post about the EVIL TEETH CLEANER (which i could hear while waiting in the lobby! <shudders>). well, i can say without a doubt that my big fat shots, drilling and filling experience was FAR more pleasant than the teeth cleaning experience. scary huh?

so while i was trying to keep my UN Peace Negotiator hat on my head this morning, i got an email that made me stop in my tracks.

from time to time, i get email from people who come to my site and express their appreciation for various aspects of what i give to my visitors. and each one makes me marvel. but this one was....

well, it was from someone who knew me briefly and had not particularly pleasant history with a very close friend of mine. and she wrote me to tell me how inspired she is by me...my optimism, my outlook, the way i share myself. and i just sat in awe that she took the time to write to me and tell me all of this. its hard to even vocalize what something like that meant to me...and i don't think i will even try.

suffice it to say that in the midst of tearing my hair out today, i had cause to stop, sit silently, and reflect.

i spend a lot of time these days saying to myself over and over again how fortunate i am that i get to live this life. today is another one of those days.
posted by belen 2:01 PM

5.20.2002

<falls over laughing>

YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70's IF:

1. ...you wore that rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.

2. ...you made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven. You washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.

3. ...you had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked. After training with these tools you became an expert at the game "Operation".

4. ...you owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a basket. In the early 80's you moved onto the ever popular 10 speed. Gosh that seat hurt.

5. ...you ever owned roller skates with metal wheels.

6. ...you thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute. (Admit it!)

7. ...you had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.

8. ...you had rubber boots for rainy/snowy days. Your shoes actually fit inside the boots (with a little help from your Mom and some plastic bags).

9. ...you had either a "bowl cut" or a "pixie" (not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill") because your mom was sick of braiding your hair. How traumatic when people thought you were a boy.

10. ...your Holly Hobby sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

11. ...you wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.

12. ...you begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

13. ...you had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple shredded outfits.

14. ...you spent hours out back on your metal swing set with the trapeze.

15. ...you had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.

16. ...you kept losing your mittens so your mom bought you the kind that were attached by a string.

17. ...your Hello Kitty pencil case was cuter than anyone else's.

18. ...you wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!

19. ...you wanted your first kiss to be at the roller rink.

20. ...your hairstyle was described as having "wings," and you kept it pretty with the comb you kept in your
back pocket.

21. ...you know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.

22. ...you carried a Muppets lunch box to school.

23. ...you and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazard was your boyfriend.

24. ...every now and then "Its A Hard Knock Life" from the movie "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.

25. ...YOU had Star Wars action figures, too.

26. ...you thought unicorns were real.

27. ...it was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!

28. ...you ever asked your Magic 8-Ball the question: "Who will I marry, Shawn Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?"

29. ...you completely wore-out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack albums.

30. ...you tried to do lots of arts and crafts things, like yarn & popsicle stick God's Eyes or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. Not to mention lanyards!

31. ...you made Shrinky-dinks!

32. ...you used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape recorder up to the speaker.

33. ...you couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club.

34. ...you learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books. (Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.)

35. ...you thought Olivia Newton John's song, "Physical" was about aerobics.

36. ...you wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

37. ...you had Colorforms

38. ...you wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

39. ...you had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-N-Spin.

40. ...you had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat!


posted by belen 8:45 AM

5.15.2002

i hate bally's continued

explain the ambiguity of this to me.

i send bally's a letter that says:


To Whom It May Concern:

I need to cancel my Bally’s membership due to unexpected travel and then relocation for my job. I am a freelance web designer whose clients are spread throughout the United States. While I currently live in Clearwater, FL with a Bally’s nearby, my business is going to require me to travel 3 weeks out of every month to Austin, TX to manage a project there from May until November. Directly following this project, I will be relocating to New Orleans, LA to begin a new project.

When I signed up for your membership, I had the impression that your gyms were available enough throughout the U.S., and that I would benefit from having a membership. However, it would appear that where my work takes me is not where you have locations, and therefore request a cancellation of my membership.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions. 727.669.0780 or 512.415.3110

to which these fucking idiots replied:


Dear Ms.Bilgic:

Thank you for contacting us in regards to your Bally Total Fitness membership.

In order to process your request, a letter from your employer on letterhead is required. Please be sure the letter confirms you no longer work in the Clearwater, FL area and what cities you work in and the length of time you are required to be there.

Please remit verification to P.O. Box 1080, Norwalk, CA 90650-1080 and be sure to reference your member number on your correspondence.

Should you have any further questions please feel free to contact our Member Service Department at 1-562-484-2980.

exactly WHAT is unclear about "I WILL BE IN AUSTIN 3 WEEKS OUT OF EVERY MONTH FROM MAY UNTIL NOVEMBER, AT WHICH TIME I WILL BE MOVING TO NEW ORLEANS"????????????

the letter was on "my" letterhead - the name of the damn company is MY NAME. who is the company i work for??? MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME, goddamn it!

i cannot bear this stupidity any more.

my reply:


To Whom It May Concern:

I received a letter from you requesting specific cities that my business will take me to. Below, you will see that I have already given you that information, but I will restate it yet again.

· Austin, Texas (78701)
· Bremerton, Washington (98310)
· New Orleans, LA (70112)

Original Letter:
I need to cancel my Bally’s membership due to unexpected travel and then relocation for my job. I am a freelance web designer whose clients are spread throughout the United States. While I currently live in Clearwater, FL with a Bally’s nearby, my business is going to require me to travel 3 weeks out of every month to Austin, TX to manage a project there from May until November. Directly following this project, I will be relocating to New Orleans, LA to begin a new project.

I wish to notify you that I will be placing a stop on the auto draft on my checking account this month, due to the obvious lag in responsiveness to my request. I will not pay you to postpone decisions on my request.

I do not appreciate that every time I try to resolve this matter, I am forced to call your customer service number long distance and remain on hold for an average of 30 minutes each time. I am extremely frustrated by your lack of responsiveness. I fax you my requests to expedite the process and you mail me letters in response. I do not have the time to waste on this, and it needs to be resolved now.

this makes me prone to violence.


posted by belen 10:17 AM

5.14.2002

hate post

i hate bally's total fitness.

i hate them.

they are lawless bastards.

they do not have an 800 number. so for the last 4 times i have called them to get my fucking membership cancelled, i have had to sit on HOLD on a LONG DISTANCE call for over 15 minutes each time before i could talk to a human.

and this still isn't resolved.

(i am sitting on hold as we speak)

in the spirit of free exchange of information that the internet promotes, i say loud and clear:

BALLY's TOTAL FITNESS BLOWS!

their customer service is shitty, the ability to "travel" to any club is crap because their clubs are very limited in the breadth of their locations, they are money-grabbing shitty-ass worthless bastards.

it is corporate mentality at its best - lets make it as hard as possible to get anything accomplished bec we have an autodraft on your checking account and thats all we care about.

i was an ass to ever consider them, and hell or high water, they are going to cancel my membership.

posted by belen 10:38 AM

5.13.2002

lookie, lookie!

just in case you are interested, or know someone who is...

PLAYBOY TV is coming to austin!

yup. thats right...the wet and messy video company i work with is doing a shoot with them on the 21st of may.

for more details, check out

www.TexasTalentSearch.com

and of course, this was my weekend design project ;)
posted by belen 2:24 PM

gogogogogogo, relax!

that was the weekend in a nutshell :)

saturday was crazy-stupid busy with work.

sunday, however, we decided it was time to get away from the glowing screens and relax.

we headed over to the little park and coffee shop in downtown st. pete.

we walked down to this "finger" of land that has big shady palm trees and lounged on a blanket and read books etc. it was breezy, we were overlooking tampa bay, and it was positively lovely :)

and i have decided that i am a stupid digital camera owner, so i am becoming determined to take the damn thing *with* me and USE IT!

here are the day's findings:

my
happy toes :) next to my fuzzy rockstar dice



the very cute (tall & lanky!) bird that just hung out nearby. we later found
out that he was guarding a dead fish. ick!



  

look up! i spent a lot of the day on my back (reading a book, you dirty birds!) and this is what was above me :)

the view directly in from of me, out into Tampa Bay

the view to my right of St. Petersburg

the view out the front of the little coffee shop with lovely outdoor seating along tree-lined streets.


posted by belen 1:59 PM

5.10.2002

food for thought

this was an email forward, but i liked too many of these to let it pass me by.

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.


posted by belen 3:22 PM

centering

this morning has been crazy-stupid-explosively stressful.

the best solution?

now that the fires are out, i get to come hang out with you for a little while.

and return to my center before i start the mile-long task list :)

i am eating my fake bacon and sipping my coffee and thinking "whew, no one should wake up like that!"

so my spontaneous trip to austin was sparked by a client's needs for a company reorganization. i agreed to become his part-time web manager and help him get everything in order.

the trip was intense and amazingly energizing. our team had never had all the pieces together in one room, and the work we accomplished in 3 days was fabulous.

my weekend was reserved for unadulterated relaxation and friends.

saturday was breakfast with david and silver, shopping with xtine, coffee and chatter with alex, and that evening was a night at the club. it had been so long since i had had a good club experience, and that night was truly at the top of the list. great music, tons of people i wanted to see, and lots to celebrate. i was in my schoolgirl skirt, ruffle-bottom panties, black "i fucked your girlrfiend" t-shirt and my knee-high docs. i danced until i fell over, reveled in being on a dance-floor with stephanie, celebrated bob & alex's engagement, and had a rare and beautiful chance to see a very special boy. even david found himself dancing to 3 songs in a row - unheard of for him these days ;)

sunday was a quiet breakfast with david and then heading to zilker park to meet up with mairi and the most wonderful puppy in the universe, freya (maybe i am biased). we accidentally hiked about 8 miles along the trails...we just lost track of time :) and then we headed to mairi & troy's to host a bbq for a small gathering of folks.

i needed a really low-key night, and it was just what the stress-management team ordered. burgers, chatter on the porch late into the evening, a small flow of friends coming through. it was so zen and peaceful...and even old wounds seemed to be healed on some parts. it made me even more appreciative of the beauty i have in my life, and after a year of traveling, that it is as good and strong as ever.

the trip also afforded me the pleasure of surprising xtine and andre with my visit...it was nice to be sneaky and catch them unawares ;) i like being a pleasant surprise!

i didn't get to see everyone i wanted to or do everything on my list, but i knew it would be hard to accomplish on a business trip.

all in all, my hop over to austin was absolutely wonderful. i returned with the beginnings of a strong team for my client and the chance to retouch the people i love.

who could ask for more? :)
posted by belen 8:22 AM

5.8.2002

whirlwind

hi!

goodness i have missed you...austin is never very conductive to updating my blogger :)

i have soooooo much to chatter about, but i also have a ton to get done first...so as always, you must wait patiently until i can re-arrange time for you.

i had to do two things last night when i got home that made me sad.

first, we had to close all the windows and doors (no more balcony time!) and turn on the air conditioning :(

then, i said goodbye to my tongue ring and took it out. i suppose i am old enough to know that the health of my gums are more important than my love of my piercings....but still, my tongue is very lonely now :(

but i guess if those are the worst of my complaints, it can't be *that* bad, huh?
posted by belen 7:09 AM

5.1.2002

giving in

i fear it will be time to give in soon....

and turn on the air conditioning.

<heavy sigh>

do you know how long it has been since i have turned air conditioning on in my house?

over a year and a half!

we had the winter in austin, i moved to washington where we didn't even *have* an air conditioner, and then moved here in december.

but even with the shade, the ceiling fan and the lack of clothing, it has just about reached that time.

the time to close the doors and windows and breathe the canned air.

that depresses me.

i used to think david was a nut for not liking air conditioning.

now i understand.
posted by belen 12:22 PM