freeing a soul
: february 2002
2.26.2002
the return from paradise
it is now 9:26am.
i have been up since 5:19am.
i took david's cousin to the airport.
since returning, i have been to 4 different pharmacies, soothed the
sleep-deprived, miserably suncrisp-ed david with solarcaine so he could
sleep for the first time in 2 days without waking up every 10 minutes
in pain, recorded the mound of receipts from our "vacation", balanced
my checkbook, gone to the bank and the grocery store and had 2 cups
of coffee.
<everyone gasps> "belen! we had no idea you could be so productive
in the morning!"
yah, bite me.
"so how was key west, belen?"
<glares at you>
i suppose you want me to have something positive to say?
<sighs> well, bear in mind that my attitude was shitty from the
start, so i doubt you will get an accurate account.
but here goes:
if i had to give a breif statement about the experience, it would be
that as a tourist spot, i think that key west is a poor choice unless
you a) plan to stay for an extended period of time and b) expect to
spend a *lot* of money to be entertained. i can see that perhaps if
you lived there, found the right artsy people and owned a boat, one
could reside very happily...there was evidence of quaint coffee shops
and potentially lovely "hangouts". however, again, this would mean you
have the money to live independently.
so we left tampa at around 1:30pm on friday. we drove through pouring
rain until we hit a town called homestead, south of miami...the last
real town before the keys. i had found on the internet that the days
inn had rooms for $69 a night, which was tolerable....i guess.
well, we get to homestead and find out that unless you reserved ahead,
the days in was $99.
<grumbles> the guy suggests the travelodge down the street.
i have found travelodge, under most circumstances to be at the low
end of a tolerable hotel, but still comfortable and affordable.
it was $80. we didnt bother to mention marcus, david's cousin...we
just got a single room with 2 beds. then she tells us that there is
only 1 door and it is monitored at all times.
hrm.
well, he can come visit us as a guest in about 20 minutes...who will
notice, anyway?
so we drag everything upstairs.
the room is...well, for $90 (15% tax in florida for hotels) one would
think that perhaps you might get the fridge and micorwave to work without
having to pay $1 a day. we prepared to bend over.
when marcus arrives, we are informed that there are actually no visitors
allowed in the rooms (what is this, a nazi death camp? *how* much am
i paying to stay here???) so he can only stay 15 minutes and then he
will be escorted out.
yup...this sounds like the beginning of another fabulous florida vacation.
so we think about this, wondering if we should just say we lied.
the back of the door says that each additional person is $7. well,
fuck, can we just offer to pay that money and then he becomes a guest?
so i go talk to the very crabby woman downstairs, and under my expert
persuasion powers, she agrees.
we have now paid $97 to stay in the nazi death camp of homestead, florida.
so we get up the next morning to the pouring rain and being the treck
down the keys. occassionally, it isnt raining...that wacky gulf-coast
storm weather where it is a typhoon one moment and almost sunny the
next.
we get to the hotel and it is nice enough...you cant really go wrong
with a raddison (that is, i might add, $219 a night normally at this
time of year).
"was it on the beach, belen?"
define "beach".
apparently (*i* certainly didnt know this) key west isnt known for
its beaches.
when i think key west, i think blue blue water, white sandy beaches
stretching and lots of people basking in the glory.
well, there are 3 "beaches". they are about 25-30 feet of sand to the
water, some longer than others. but for the most part i was seriously
unimpressed.
so saturday, we spent the day wandering around downtown, and the weather
had cleared enough to be pretty but windy ("windy"defined as 30mph with
gusts up to 37mph).
sunday, the boys were on a mission for sun. i was fairly game...not
an ocean swimmer, but i like the sand and reading a good book.
so i put on the new bathing suit i bought 6 weeks ago, thinking that
after 4 weeks of working out, that i would probably feel pretty good
in it.
and to my shock and anger it was tighter and significantly less attractive
than when i bought it.
<screams and yells and hurls explatives>
fine. whatever. this trip has been nothing but a pain in my ass so
far, why should it get any better?
so i read on the beach, with sunglasses on, a hat, my hippie dress
over my bathing suit and slathered in sunscreen. is this the same girl
who worshipped the sun and sat on beaches in *oil* and a tiny bikini
every chance she got?
yup.
so the boys swam all day. i offered sunscreen and david put a little
on his face. i encouraged him to use it more liberally...he opted not
to, and i figured i was not his mother and left him be.
after 8 hours in the sun, it appeared as though he was going to live
to regret that decision.
we left the beach and wandered around the old cemetary. because of
flooding etc, they have to bury everyone in above ground crypts like
in new orleans, so it was wonderful. the sun was setting, david and
i were wandering hand and hand through the mosoleums, and after a full
day of brooding on the beach trying to avoid the sun, i was finally
relaxed and zenning. <snickers> i suppose the goth in me isnt
dead yet ;)
every meal we ate that wasnt subway was way overpriced and extremely
mediocre. i have no problem spending money on nice dinners. but $60
for something that tastes like i am eating at a Luby's is just insulting.
monday, we wandered a bit but david was so burned to a crisp that he
was just miserable, and marcus and i switched off driving the 8+ hours
home.
my opinion?
$400 down the toilet, egged on by torrential downpours, gale force
winds, extortion-like prices, PMS and 18 hours of round-trip driving
for 1 weekend of "sand and sun" (which david will never go near again
without bullfrog 50spf)
will i ever go back?
sure, if someone provides me with a free 6 month beach house rental,
a sailboat, and a high speed internet connection.
posted by belen 7:05 AM
2.22.2002
the thing you never
want to hear on the morning you are leaving for key west for a weekend
getaway:
<rumbleCRASHpitter-patterpitter-patter>
good morning belen, have some thunderstorms to start your first day
of vacation...not the typical florida kind that lasts 1.2 an hours,
but hte kind that has been going all morning.
and then i think,
"BUT WAIT! key west is a 10 hour drive SOUTH! no problem!"
and then i look at http://www.weather.com/weather/
local/USFL0244?GO=GO and i realize that this front is moving *SOUTH*.
high of 80, thunderstorms tonight in the miami/key west area (where
we planned to camp), thunderstorms all day saturday with a high of only
73, and sunday might grace us with some sun, but only a high of 74.
<throws a tantrum>
posted by belen 7:12 AM
2.15.2002
it has happened
i have become marketing slime.
you know, *someone* creates those long fluffy descriptions of things
that when you are done reading them, you think "WOW, that said absolutely
NOTHING of substance!"
doing copywriting for xtine this week, this is the latest thing i have
created:
Basic Essentials Maintenance is a small minority-owned business founded
on the principle of affordable, accountable business practices. We
consider each job from the other side of the negotiating table: what
are our clients needs, how can we keep costs down for them, and most
importantly, will they be completely satisfied with our work?
In an industry not always known for its reliability and accountability,
we pride ourselves on our reputation for serving our clients needs
above and beyond their expectations. Our projects are on time. Our
employees are knowledgeable. Our company is honest.
We believe that communication is the key to success in any project.
If we foresee delays or potential problems with a job, you are the
first to know and benefit from our expert advice.
With jobs ranging from $1,000 to over $500,000 in the public and
private sectors, Basic Essentials Maintenance has the know-how and
the tools to make your project a success!
<hangs head in shame>
posted by belen 2:17 PM
PROTEST
i protest against the BASTARDS at AOL/Netscape.
so i have been using trillian, which is an instant messaging tool that
acts as an interface for AIM, ICQ, Yahoo & MSN Messenger.
it was a lifesaver for me, bec with all my business contacts, there
is *someone* i need to talk to on each of those mediums.
and it was just fine for a few months...and this morning i got a message
when i logged on that said
"you are using an unauthorized interface for AIM. if you want to use
our service, you can download our interface at..."
GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
the bastards know they have the marketshare, and they refuse to play
nicely with others.
you know, i am itching to boycott these bastards and get rid of them
completely, but most of my contact base is on AIM.
this makes me so cranky. i truly dislike supporting the overbearing
market-hogging bastard that AOL is becoming.
posted by belen 7:11 AM
2.13.2002
uncanny talent
apparently, i have an uncanny ability to detect sites that are ripped
off...
today, i went to a website for a client to gather copy for the brochure
we were making for them.
i get to the site and i think "WOW, this site is actually *designed*...how
interesting!" (this was a cleaning contractor for the state of Texas)
and then something in the back of my brain says "wait...this site design
looks *so* familiar!"
i blow it off.
i view the source to get some info about their logo, and i notice as
i scroll that there is an image named "find_talent.gif" and 1 named
"find_work.gif"
this is a *cleaning* site...what the hell are they naming images things
that sound like a headhunter's site?
and then that tingle begins in the back of my brain.
i look more closely at the code.
images of dots are named blue_dots & green_dots. the site colors are
maroon and black.
my brain starts churning to remember where i have seen this site.
and then i realize.
funny thing is that with the color difference and content changes,
you dont immediately see the ripoff.
let me show you:
http://www.qsillc.com
the site that they ripped off was none other than the BIG freelance
site www.guru.com
for you geeks, i will detail the damage:
1) site shell is identical...the designer only changed the colors.
the code, even its *spacing* is identical.
2) comment tags like <!-- Here is all the top swoop stuff -->
are identical
3) and get this: they actually have the balls to put this text on their
"legal" page:
All content, graphics, code and software used on or incorporated into
this web site, and the arrangement or integration of all such content,
graphics, code and software are subject to copyrights held by or licensed
to QSI, and all rights thereto are specifically reserved. Permission
is granted to electronically copy and print hard copies of pages from
this web site solely for personal, non-commercial purposes. Any other
use of this web site or content or information contained in this web
site is strictly prohibited, unless the written permission of QSI
first is obtained.
needless to say, our client was shocked and angry to find out that
he paid someone to rip off his site. i dont know what he plans to do,
but i do hope its *something*. personally, i would report the person
i hired to guru with the url for the site and let them punch him/her
in the eye. this kind of shit makes me so cranky.
if you call yourself a designer, produce some fucking original work.
goddamn con artists.
posted by belen 4:17 PM
2.8.2002
the joy of kitchen appliances
in 1994, i officially got my own apartment. at that time, i bought
a used blender from my boss for $10.
this blender saw me through the Drinking Years, the Party Years, the
Breakup Years, and Body-Nazi-ism Phase I.
and the poor thing just couldn't do it anymore.
as i have begun Body-Nazi-ism Phase II, it has begged me to retire.
and today i bought a new blender
<purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs>
new kitchen appliances are so yummy.
and as i unpacked it, i had a moment of confusion.
as much as i love kitchen appliances, *obviously* i am an amateur.
the blender has 12 speeds, all named using the most delicious action
verbs:
pulse
crush
stir
puree
crumb
chop
mix
grate
beat
shred
blend
liquify
now, i beg you, how many of you have ever put anything in a blender
and had it come out any other way besides....
well, *blended*?
usually, ready to pour into a cold mug, or consume as a breakfast shake.
i have never *crumbed* anything in a blender
i have never *grated* anything with my blender.
whatever i put in comes out a liquid compilation of a sort of thicker,
smoother consistancy.
WHO NEEDS *12* speeds?
can anyone actually use such a fine differentiation of control?
<sighs> i think i am missing something.
ODE TO MY BLENDER
Pulse: <thump-thump> my heart races for my beautiful new kitchen
appliance
Crush it, crush it like the ice it is!
Stir me gently, perhaps you can...but so can a spoon.
Puree...only used for tomatoes and peas, neither of which appreciate
the attention, i am sure.
Crumb, a word that can only bring to mind a nice way to say "you rotten
sonofabitch" (thanks mom)
Chop, perhaps, but knives are so much more....satisfying.
Mix...cake batter, brownie batter, muffins...*blender*?
Grate - cheese, right? when was the last time *you* put cheese a blender?
Beat...*NOW* we are talking...where is my flogger again?
Shred - best done to young tasty morsels, and entirely too messy in
a blender.
Blend my shakes? a-ha, your mission, if you choose to accept it...
Liquify...now, indeed, *this* is the task for which you were invented!
posted by belen 4:57 PM
down with karaoke
last night, hovering below the sound of our television, we had the
sense that someone somewhere nearby was playing their stero much too
loud.
at 9, i had no concerns.
at 11, i thought, "wow, it doesnt even have any bass...and the music
is really bad!"
at 1, as david and i laid in bed listening to the hollow music reverberating
everywhere with vocals that sounded like really bad indian music, i
realized what it was.
karaoke.
you know, i am not a huge fan of karaoke. not sure why...maybe its
because it is generally a drunk activity that, if you are sober, is
mind-numbingly bad, or if you are drunk, you are contributing to.
but i didnt think i was against it, in concept, in the privacy of your
own home.
i used to think "sure, wanna wail to music? have at it *at home*!"
now, i have changed my mind.
i have always respected the sancity of one's home to do all manner
of things that many in the public eye might not want to see.
wear spandex when you are 200 lb overweight.
tie that naughty husband yours up and punish him soundly.
but now, i have decided, that if you live where other people have to
suffer too, you DO NOT have the right to have a karaoke machine, muchless
use it.
even through steel and concrete, no one is safe.
the unearthly howl of the karaoke machine leaves no one unscathed.
posted by belen 7:18 AM
2.5.2002
ominous portent?
so many of you know that david and i created Gothic Magnetic Poetry
kits for some of our friends for xmas this year. (and for those of you
still waiting, we just got new magnets, so we will have more soon!).
well, because they were indeed homemade, they have had a few problems,
like words falling off their magnets.
the first casualty of our personal set was, fittingly enough, "death".
he committed suicide shortly after his arrival on the refridgerator
by hurling himself at the ground.
i stuck him back up, much to his annoyance.
but this morning, i discovered what is perhaps a portent of ominous
things to come.
i think i am being stalked.
this morning, i arrived at my computer to find that "death" had made
his way across the house from his home on the fridge to settle directly
under my chair, taunting me. (no doubt he had assistance from the evil
4-legged furry devil-bunnies of our home)
so i picked him up and sat him on the desk next to me for the day.
maybe the fridge is too white for his taste.
i understand.
its hard to be him.
<raises eyebrow> he really isnt going to like the superglue.
posted by belen 11:26 AM
2.3.2002
HAHAHAHAHA!
SatireWire |
Passed Over, Syria, China, Libya Form Axis of Just As Evil
posted by belen 6:15 PM
2.1.2002
oh! i forgot to mention
<with giant frosty-mug of rum runners in my fist>
i almost forgot!
i will officially be in austin from march 7-18 for SXSW
you can send your thank-you notes to conduit for shipping me in to
promote the company ;)
more details to come...prepare for a belen-sighting near you :)
posted by belen 2:50 PM
fridayfridayfridayfriday
mmmmm....yes. friday.
there are children "using their voices" (i will never live down that
phrase) very loudly just outside my window. while i am a fan of children,
i am beginning to think i may also be a fan of tranquilizer guns.
little known belen-fact: invariably, one of my socks is *always* on
inside out. just 1 though, not both.
no, i dont do this on purpose, and actually, i was not the one who
noticed. dondi (my roommate) pointed it out a couple of years ago (yes,
i found it an odd thing to notice about someone too) and since then
i have casually noticed that she is indeed correct. i cannot remember
a time i looked at my feet in socks where the socks were both the same
way.
satisfying trivia, huh?
after a chaotically busy week, today has been strangely quiet...not
quite sure what to do with myself. luckily the day is over, and i am
left to clean the house, scrounge up some dinner and waste some time
before going to the club tonight.
so we finished the basic designs for the TNV pay site :) and i must
say i am pleased. wanna
peek? please note, it is adult content...if you are offended,
don't look, or if you do, don't bitch to me :)
mmmmm...and now the worthless leaf blowers come by, drowning out the
kids, but adding that extra grating layer of sound to the universe :)
perhaps i am just over-sensitive today?
i am going to go fix pina coladas and force david to zen on the porch
with me in the noise and chaos. zen in spite of surroundings :)
posted by belen 2:33 PM
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